Comments on Zelophehad's Daughters: The Social Functions of Happiness

Thanks for this. What a great response. sorry I'...

2006-02-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks for this. What a great response. sorry I'm so late in finding it.

P.S. I'm not sure that I wish there were more mino...

2006-01-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

P.S. I'm not sure that I wish there were more minor hymns than major, but I wish there were more minor hymns (I agree that this would be a fantastic way to explore this emotional dimension of religious faith). In general, I wish the church music culture was different, but that's a topic for another day. Maybe I'll make a post on it soon.

Lynnette, I'd like to think that having conversati...

2006-01-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

Lynnette, I'd like to think that having conversations like these in the Bloggernacle (and in individual conversations with people like you) gives me reassurance that what I have to say is important and valuable and enables me to go and express my thoughts to others. On occasion I do try to raise my concerns and questions with people in my ward and institute class, and while sometimes it works better than others (as my VT experience last month reminded me), I have enough of a commitment to emotional authenticity to keep trying. Sometimes it actually goes really well, and that definitely helps my resolve too.

Kiskilili, as someone who was being visit taught something that I couldn't agree to this past month (luckily, I wasn't the visiting teacher who was supposed to be affirming the message to others), I can totally empathize with the scenario you raise. I don't have any answers either; in my own life, I try to achieve a certain amount of emotional authenticity in church settings, even if it means raising concerns, but it's always a struggle to know when that's going to be helpful rather than hurtful (I definitely don't want to be making others upset, uncomfortable, etc). I'm quiet a lot more often than I'd ideally prefer.

These are my very random thoughts of the moment.I'...

2006-01-29T14:28:00.000-08:00

These are my very random thoughts of the moment.

I've often wondered why it is that we have so few minor hymns in our hymnbook, and sing them so infrequently. I could be completely wrong, but I get the impression that we're almost afraid of them. But several topics lend themselves quite well to a minor setting. And in addition to singing about subjects that are merely sobering, I for one would be uplifted if we went so far as to sing about genuine sorrow or feelings of distance from God (in a way that was respectful and worshipful, of course), because I think these are realities and their expression in the community would be valuable, and music would be a fantastic way to do this. (On the other hand, if it were up to me, there would be more minor than major hymns, and others would perhaps feel weighed down in a church of gloom. :) )

I've also often wondered what the boundaries are to what's appropriate in church. I'm at a point where I just never make any comments, because I'm not convinced anything I could say would be appropriate. Even in my angriest moments, I wouldn't think of seizing the pulpit and explaining why I hate the church. I once sat through what I thought was a fairly innocuous RS lesson after which a visiting non-member stood up and ripped the lesson apart and explained how horrified she was we were teaching such abominable things. Considering that I'm no paragon of orthodoxy myself, I was surprised at how furious I was. I was literally fuming. I wanted to say, Lady, you do not make fun of my church *right in my church.* This is not the place for that.

At the same time, I want to be honest. I want there to be a place where negative sentiments and frustrations and questions can be aired, and I'm not sure the best way of doing that--to what degree that's acceptable and helpful in church and to what degree it detracts. When people say things in church I violently disagree with, on the one hand I don't want to stir up controversy and tear other people's faith down; but on the other hand I don't want to sit there silently as though I assent. So I leave the room.

But this has led to some awkward moments. During a visiting teaching session a companion I had a while back delivered a message I just disagreed with in every part. I told her I thought I needed to leave. She was like, No you don't--just stay for this message. The result was that she ended up sort of delivering the message to me, in a tone like, You believe this, don't you? What could I say? If it had been a private conversation, I would have just disagreed. But I didn't want to hurt her feelings, let alone start a fight in front of our visiting teachee! It didn't feel right to say at the end of the message when she asked whether I had anything to add, "And now for the rebuttal!" That may have been helpful for me, but probably not for the visiting teachee. :)

So I have no good conclusions. For the reasons you outline, there are times when I find the culture of happiness uplifting, and there are times when I find it stifling.

It's funny you made that observation, Kiskilili, b...

2006-01-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

It's funny you made that observation, Kiskilili, because I was just thinking something similar about the existence of the Bloggernacle, that it is in some ways evidence of the real hunger among church members for a space to talk about what they are actually thinking and feeling.

On kind of a related note, Eve and I were recently discussing one of the potentially troubling aspects of blogging: to what extent is it a problem if I say things here (to a mostly anonymous audience) that I wouldn't dare say to the people with whom I actually interact? I already have a tendency to be too split, to be one person in one context and a different person in another. I wonder--does the Bloggernacle in some ways reinforce the culture of happiness by channeling people's expressions of unhappiness away from their interactions with the real live members of their ward--or does it help with the situation, by giving people reassurance that they aren't alone in their struggles, and possibly the courage to then bring up those challenges in more conventional settings? I'd like to think the latter, but I honestly don't know.

Thanks, Kiskilili! If you have any further though...

2006-01-28T15:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Kiskilili! If you have any further thoughts or comments, feel free to post them.

Wow! What an interesting post! You've laid out the...

2006-01-28T15:15:00.000-08:00

Wow! What an interesting post! You've laid out the positives and negatives so well. I'm sorry to join the discussion this late, but thanks for giving me something to think about. (It seems to me that the bloggernacle exists in part because of the constraints imposed by the "culture of happiness.")

Yes, that is a great story, Eve. It makes me laug...

2006-01-26T10:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, that is a great story, Eve. It makes me laugh to just imagine someone doing that.

Lynnette, I definitely agree that what you've outlined is another negative consequence. Like I hinted at in my response to Dave, I think it's possible to sum up a lot of the problems with the "culture of affected happiness" with the term "exclusion." Anyone whose life doesn't fit into the cultural definitions of the way things are supposed-to-be, or anyone who doesn't act how one is supposed-to-act, ends up not feeling like a part of the community (and, subsequently, her needs aren't met by the community).

That's a great story, Eve; I think I would laugh q...

2006-01-26T10:36:00.000-08:00

That's a great story, Eve; I think I would laugh quite hard if I heard that in testimony meeting.

I really enjoyed your analysis of this, S. It's interesting to not just think (or in my case, complain) about the fact that this culture of happiness exists, but to consider the functions it serves.

I've heard a couple of stories from people who've left the church after being horribly disillusioned when their life didn't follow the perfect plan they'd hoped for. I see that as another potential negative of this culture; if people are getting the message that they can expect nothing but happiness from living the gospel, they're bound to be disappointed.

I really like your vision of church members getting together to have honest conversations about their struggles. I find that kind of thing far more helpful (and inspiring!) than "faith-promoting" stories.

This discussion reminds me of a dear LDS friend I ...

2006-01-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

This discussion reminds me of a dear LDS friend I loved partly because she simply refused to participate in the culture of affected happiness. She was so refreshing. She once started her testimony by saying, "Brothers and sisters, today I am so mad." I can see why it was inappropriate, but thinking about it still makes me laugh.

Very good point about trying to understand why we ...

2006-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Very good point about trying to understand why we have this culture so that we can change it, S. Thanks for clarifying--I think I now understand what you're saying better.

Eve, I'm beginning to wonder if I came off more pr...

2006-01-26T08:49:00.000-08:00

Eve, I'm beginning to wonder if I came off more pro-"culture of happiness" than I intended. I am in complete agreement with you that a "culture of happiness" that is affected, inauthentic, and that ignores trials and sorrows is not a good thing. While I think it can be possible to have a "culture of happiness" that is not these things, I think we find the "culture of affected happiness" more often than not in the church.

I guess what I was trying to think through in this post is what are some of the larger, functional reasons for having a culture that encourages happiness. I think if we understand this better, we can propose alternatives that address the needs of the community that are being met by the current culture as well as the needs that are not being met.

S, I especially like your reading of Moroni 6:5 an...

2006-01-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

S, I especially like your reading of Moroni 6:5 and your pedagogical commitment to honesty.

Although I have to acknowledge the social function you describe, I tend to be opposed to the culture of affected happiness, partly because it promotes dishonesty, and partly because it shrivels our faith. We end up isolating our communal spiritual life from our trials and sorrows, and not only do we leave people to suffer alone, we also perpetuate insidious ideas that faith prevents trials (only bad people suffer) and even that God and spiritual life are inadequate to deal with trials and sorrows or have nothing to say about them. I can hardly think of a message more antithetical to a gospel based on the atonement.

annegb, I definitely agree with you--it's importan...

2006-01-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

annegb, I definitely agree with you--it's important to cultivate kindness whatever your emotional state, religion, etc.

I would change the word happiness to "cheerfulness...

2006-01-25T19:05:00.000-08:00

I would change the word happiness to "cheerfulness" and/or "kindness."

No one is happy all the time, but one can cultivate an attitude of good cheer and kindness, no matter what religion you are.

Dave, thanks for your comment. I think that "cult...

2006-01-25T14:47:00.000-08:00

Dave, thanks for your comment. I think that "culture of affected happiness" is a term that is quite descriptive of the reality at times; in my more hopeful moments, I'd like to think that not all the happiness is affected.

I guess my title hints at possible benefits, though I was actually doing my best to talk about "social functions" in as neutral a way as possible. I think that the few "functions" I've outlined have beneficial aspects--they definitely help create a more cohesive community in a number of ways (reinforcing community beliefs, attracting others to the community, etc). But I think there are downsides too. Whenever you have things such as our "culture of happiness" whose functions includes unity-building in a community, they can often take forms that makes some members of the community feel excluded.

I think it's definitely important to do less "unintended squelching." I think it's also important to think about how to build a community that uses the benefits of positive affect (i.e. happiness) while not ignoring the potential benefits of other emotional orientations and dynamics.

Nice thoughts, S (and thanks for the link). I lik...

2006-01-25T13:56:00.000-08:00

Nice thoughts, S (and thanks for the link). I like the "culture of happiness" phrase; maybe even "culture of affected happiness"? There are a few places where people can lead with their negatives (testimony meeting; behind closed doors with the bishop) but not many. The insistence of affected happiness does, I think, squelch some honest communication, which likely harms the squelchee but perhaps (as your title hints) benefits the community. Hard to see where all this leads except for us to do less unintended squelching when teaching in church or conversing with others.

Starfoxy, I too have had experiences in church whe...

2006-01-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

Starfoxy, I too have had experiences in church where others weren't quite sure what to do when I made comments that revealed a concern or worry or unhappiness. At the same time, I have also been in situations where I have been honest about my less-than-happy feelings, and I've had people come up to me afterwards and say that they were really grateful for my comment. I still think it's difficult to get the responses you are hoping for within the context of a larger discussion (i.e. in the midst of a RS lesson), however.

When I teach, I am very pedagogically committed, both at church and at school, to having everyone be honest about their affective responses (to life, to the lesson, to the class reading, etc). In my experience, it's really difficult to have a lesson where people can progress in their understanding if you don't do your best to have a sense of where everyone is both intellectually and emotionally. (Of course, things get tricky and complicated when people are starting from radically different places, but that's an entirely different issue.)

Nice post. It touched on several things that I, al...

2006-01-25T11:58:00.000-08:00

Nice post. It touched on several things that I, also, have been thinking about lately. Especially where you mention the culture of happiness preventing the sorts of conversations that might help strengthen others' testimonies. I can attest to the fact that I am horrified at the idea of discussing the things that worry about the gospel with anyone in a church setting. The one time I tried I was very quickly to not worry about it, and the church is true. I very much see the idea that happiness in the church implies truth of the church. This is a very negative mindset, because mortal life is sorrow, regardless of how righteous one is. Expecting it to be otherwise will lead to endless unecessary doubt, and guilt.